Category Archives: Humor

Green Leaves

Green Leaves on St Patrick's Day from allthingsclipart dot com

Green Leaves on St Patrick’s Day from allthingsclipart dot com

Found this cute St. Patrick’s Day Free Clip art from the allthingsclipart dot com website, and thought it was fitting to put it on my blog in honor of St Patrick’s Day. I like the green leaves…… Get it? Hope you have a great St Patrick’s Day and that nobody pinches you!

How about a joke?

GRACE, seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist. ‘Come now,’ coaxed the doctor, ‘you’ve been
seeing me for years! There’s nothing you can’t tell me.’

‘This one’s kind of strange…’

‘Let me be the judge of that,’the doctor replied.

‘Well,’ she said, ‘yesterday I went to the bathroom in the morning and heard a plink-plink-plink in the toilet and when I looked down, the water was full of pennies.’

‘I see.’

‘That afternoon I went to the bathroom again and, plink-plink-plink, there were nickels in the bowl. That night,’ she went on, ‘I went again, plink-plink-plink, and there were dimes and this morning there were quarters ! You’ve got to tell me what’s wrong with me!,’ she implored, ‘I’m scared out of my wits!’

The gynecologist put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

‘There, there, it’s nothing to be scared about.’

(Ready for this?)

‘You’re simply going through the change!

How many inches?

I almost fell out of my chair when I read this in an email.  Nothing better for your soul than laughter so have a good laugh on this one!!

A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, ‘Ah, I see you’ve regained consciousness. Now, you probably won’t remember, but you were in a pile-up on the freeway. You’re going to be okay, you’ll walk again and everything, but…… something happened. I’m trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck, and we were unable to find it.’

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, ‘You’ve got $9,000 in insurance compensation coming and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did – better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn’t come cheap. It’s $1000 an inch.’

The man perks up at this. ‘So,’ the doctor says, ‘it’s for you to decide how many inches you want. But it’s something you’d better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it’s important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision.’

The man agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day. ‘So,’ says the doctor, ‘have you spoken with your wife?’

‘I have’ says the man.

‘And has she helped you in making the decision?’

‘Yes, she has’ says the man.

‘And what is it?’ asks the doctor.

“We’re getting new counter tops.”